Letting the tears dry inside

I hate this feeling. Wanting to cry. I want all of this shit to just go away and never come back! I want to leave this reality and submerse into my own. It's all I have that stays happy in this world. I don't want any of this other crap! And now I sound like a selfish screaming child whom nobody will answer for lack of connection. I hate being held back like this. Being entirely out of control. This life is spinning once again, and I am just as helpless now as I was then. Only now I'm more frightened. How many others must be hurt, and how many more must die before anyone gets a clue. What we're all doing here is pointless. Nobody loves anyone enough to stop caring about everything else. They can't see it. Let us just stop, take a breath, and move away from this perception of truth. I refuse to accept it. I will find the brightness in my happy today! Even if it means averting everything and everyone else to attain it. I'll find it...somehow.

It is that time already. School has begun and has been going for almost four weeks now. Yet I still don't know what in God's name I'm supposed to be doing! It's quite laughable. In fact, I find myself wanting to laugh about everything. I know I shouldn't be laughing though, and I shant continue if I know what's good for myself. I'll laugh about how awesome I'm doing with my studies afterwards. But for now, it's time to get to work. I will break these lazy habits and use my new ones to create more time to be lazy (wow that's a paradox). Anyways, no more time to waste. It's time to switch on the Japanese Techno music and to get crackin on some cleaning, some writing, and some school stuff! Until tomorrow!

Versailles

Here's an article I did for this band's latest album in my school newspaper (Since I live in the Southern US along the Bible Belt I might get lynched for this. But seriously! What's wrong with being different? NOTHING!):

Versailles debut album, Noble, released on July 16th of 2008 is among the most anticipated releases both in the American and Japanese music scenes. The unique sound of Versailles is sure to please anyone that enjoys a modern rock/metal sound with a twist of classical progressivism.



Noble begins with “Prelude,” a heart-stopping integration of symphonic choir and minor chord progression that builds into “Aristocrat’s Symphony,” the first introduction of Versailles characteristic heavy metal style, not to mention the beautifully articulate intonations of the vocalist. The next composition, “Antique in the Future,” is an incorporation of classic rock progressions with the smooth inner transitions of a minor chorus. Then comes “Second Fear, Another Descendant,” the first presentation of Versailles upbeat speed and dexterity. The song “Zombi” adds a refreshingly jazzy swing feel in contrast to “After Cloudia,” a high ranged and technical dual guitar composition that flows with transitions leading into “Windress,” the soft, yet invigorating vocal interlude of the album. This all points towards the climatic entry of “The Revenant Choir,” a stunningly arranged combination of the aristocratic verses modern day feel that so accurately defines the style of Versailles. The album then begins its immersion into “To the Chaos Inside” and “Suzerain,” both equally comprised of a purely heavy metal drive defined by ear splicing guitar shredding and the thrash of an unrelenting one-man percussive army. The sudden following of “History of the Other Side” begins the chilling descent from the power driven force of the albums prior songs into a more melodically driven combination of classically inspired melodies finally landing in a truly breathtaking portion of harmony between vocals and piano presented in the final song of the album: “Episode.”




It is very difficult for me to describe how much I truly enjoy listening to the music of this band. Their sound is everything you could ever want in a heavy metal band, minus the screaming, and quadrupaling the complexity. I also appreciate the classical feel that is present in all of their songs. It gives them culture and, moreover, greater respectability in my book. Classical training is the way to go!

Another very noticable feature of this band is that they are a true to definition visual kei style. Unlike the turn that many J-rock groups are making to escape the flamboyant femenin look of the past era, Versailles is stepping forward to bring it back. Their aristocratic inspirations bring back memories of Malice Mizer and other groups of the like. I currently have no money to buy their Noble album, but the second I do, I'm ordering it. Considering that I haven't been able to order an J-rock CD's in the past, this may sound empty, but I really think I might be for real this time.

Here are some pictures:














Kamijo (Vocals)

Recent Band: Lareine




Hizaki (Guitar)

Recent Band: Sulfuric Acid





Teru (Guitar)

Recent Band: Aikaryu



Jasmine You (Bass)

Recent Band: Jakura



Yuki (Drums)

Recent Band: Sugar Trip

To be lost...

Lately I've had this strange feeling of losing. Somewhat like the state in which one questions their own existence. It isn't a new realization. I've always wondered in the back of my mind. Though when the world decides to spiral in a different direction and I'm not there to meet it head on, it frightens me. The thought that soon, oh so very soon, my entire reality will become something totally new. I am helpless in stopping it...

I've been playing my guitar quite excessively lately. I'm ready to get going with a band and it's looking like I'm no my way. Myself and a few friends have finally decided to take a step beyond our minor pick-up group and make an effort to write some songs and learn some covers. So far, we have about 6 songs covered and almost 2 written. Our sound still remains to be heard, but I think we may find it some time in the near future.

I really should be going to bed. I like to be well rested before spending the day at school. I'll close this off with a picture of me and my guitar in front of the computer. It seems really random, but I noticed a slight change in my complexion today. It's probably just the way my hair fell. Who knows?

Going to St. Louis

I just thought that I should post on here today, considering that I will be away from the computer until late Sunday. My family is going to Six Flags over St. Louis tonight after we watch my sister's Willy Wonka play. I believe we will be leaving right after that, or really early in the morning. I hope this trip will be slightly relaxing, but I never know with these family trips. Not that I don't enjoy them of course. I decided not to bring my lap top on this trip because, quite frankly, it's a pain to have to worry about given such a short time we'll be gone and also, I think I want to write my Hardball essay rough draft by hand so I can mess with it however I choose. When I return I'll be able to type it.

Let's see, what did I do today? I covered alot of ground as far as planning for NaNoWriMo. I got a response from the MSU Creative Writing Dept stating that they will be willing to help publicize the contest. I also talked to some friends and added them to the list, because I have not yet got around to it. I'm also gonna get the contact info for a guy that makes decent T-shirts for decent prices. Hopefully we'll be able to get NaNoWriMo shirts made this year...for real! The last thing I did was sent out a request to NaNoWriMo to become a Municipal Liaison in my home area. I really hope they'll let me have to position so I may have a publicized email adress on the website that people may actually be more willing to send to (legitimacy is key!). Anyways, that's about all I got done as far as NaNo goes. Everything else I'll worry about when I come back. I think I'll do the best I can to hand write a few journal entries while I'm away and post them when I get back. Until Sunday!

A Rather Interesting Day

Once again, I believe that I did everything which I intended on doing today (thought I could have studied a little more on ACT), including sending out some request emails to MSU and Ole Miss for NaNoWriMo participation! I woke up and continued reading Hardball, which I think I'm actually about to finish...FINALLY! I also had a pretty decent sectional with Zack and Alex. The fact that there were only three of us helped things get done a little faster and made things slightly more hands on. I really hope I can make the full sectionals work this way as well. Later in the evening, after my dad got home, I decided to go to the Grove (even though Leah called me earlier in the day to tell me she couldn't make it to study) and study on a little ACT. Particularly the arithmetic elements, which aren't difficult at all, they are just oddly written on the test. Though, I do believe that if I work a bunch of practice ACT Math tests between now and September 13th, I think I will do exceedingly better. The only other true weaknesses I'll have once I'm over the math will be Science Reasoning and Speed Reading (which I think will come a little easier than the math). I suppose I'm soon too find out.

Another interesting thing that I ran across today was at the Grove. A man I'd met before by the name of Marvin Cox came in with a product known as Mona Vie, which is a blend of 19 different super fruits that all contain a variety of health improving properties. The most amazing of these fruits though, is Acai Berry: a fruit so rich in antioxidants that it has been known in research to implode cancer cells upon contact. I found this pretty amazing. I haven't done a large amount of research yet, but Mr. Cox is offering to let myself and John work in the business of advertising and selling this product to possible consumers. Possible chance to rise as an entrepenuer? Perhaps so. But I'll still need a bit of time to do research and think about this prospect. My schedule is busy enough as it is, yet, with John Michael working alongside me, it might not be so bad at all. We shall see. Anyways, that's my spill for today. Though I would like to add that my NaNo planning Officially began today when I started to outline my novel. It's a very intriguing opening sequence and I hope it will not cease to baffle me even more. This information, on the other hand, I cannot reveal. For even I do not know what it will evolve to be, and quite frankly, I want myself, as well as my future readers, to be rather pleasantly surprised.

Tap, tap, tapping on keys

I do not have very much to say about today. I made the idiotic mistake of getting back in bed after my alarm clock went off and ended up sleeping until nearly 11. Missing that much of my day just seriously bugs me. Especially since I know how much can be done with that time. Regardless, I got up and started reading Hardball again (I am greatly enjoying the read.). I then decided to pull up some articles I can use for my current events summaries. Though, considering that the current events will be documented on a weekly basis during the school year, I think I will wait until the week before school starts to write those (not procrastination!). Then again, I might get it done early anyways. I want the week before school kicks off to be as smooth and stress free as possible...if it's even possible. Ah well... I went outside for a little while and did a few backflips (nothing new there) and I came back home to read up on some ACT material. I need to be as prepared as possible for my "meeting" with Leah tomorrow so we can get as much work done as possible. Three members of the mellophone section will be coming over tomorrow for a short sectional at 12. Apparently everyone had things come up at the last minute, so now four members of the section won't make it. Still, we should be able to get something done. Small group work better for teaching anyways.

I really should get something interesting to put on here tomorrow. Perhaps tomorrow will be the day!

Today

I must say that I didn't stay nearly as on top of my objectives today as I would have hoped, but I still was able to accomplish a fair amount. I read alot of Hardball (though I'm not entirely finished yet) and I made some phone calls about the OA meeting. The meeting was quite productive and we got many things decided and goals set to achieve in the near future. Today was also the first day that I was allowed to drive to Hernando and back by myself (and yes I took the Interstate back). All went fairly well.

I briefly sat down earlier and started doing some serious editing to my last story. It wasn't painful either. I actually enjoyed it and look forward to the next time I can make time for it. I think I know how I'm going to go about my rewrite. Instead of entirely scrapping what I already have and outlining it. I'm going to edit every page as critically as I can (research included) and then after that, rewrite with the corrections I wrote down. That is sounds much less painful than the alternative! (*shivers*)

I also made a critical decision towards this year's NaNoWriMo project. I decided on character names. They are all names I made up quite some time ago (almost two years) for my Flyff characters, but I find that helpful because I know that each name already has a personality and set of memories attached. I do not intend on making my novel like the game, but I would very much like to include some of the antics and fond memories that came from the times I've played with my friends. I think it'll going to be quite a spectacular adventure. We shall see I suppose.

So let me see...tomorrow I've got to make copies of things, call my section multiple times, read up on ACT, PRACTICE, and finish Hardball, while also finding a fair niche of time to plan my plot and hang out with some friends. So I shall, so I shall.

Not today...

I regret to admit that I was unable to put anything down on paper towards Aridrian today. Though I cannot say that I didn't ponder it. Every new experience sparks an idea anew. I did however make one decision: where my inspiration had come. And it is to that which I shall dedicate my first work upon its completion. A symbol of a long lost beginning and a bittersweet ending. The last favor I can accomidate to a friend.

*Change in thought* I am pleased to admit that I did everything I said I would do today in my last post. I was able to read a fair sum of my ACT material and also memorize the music I needed to learn for band practice, which I think went quite well. On top of that, my Dad was able to attain Hardball for me and I have begun reading it. I think I might actually finish a good amount (if not all of it) tonight. This indeed would be a wonderful edge towards completing my summer assignments well ahead of time. The essay I have to write for this book should be no real problem at all, considering that I feel inspired to write just by reading this well written piece of non-fiction.

What's on the list for tomorrow? Let's see...Read some more ACT (a little more than usual) and afterwards to practice leisurely, followed by exclusive reading of Hardball and then on to creating more of my own fiction. That sounds like another good accomplished day's plan. I suppose I will end the post here with the midnight hour drawing near. Until tomorrow then.

*Note*-not only finish homework early, but spare time to read another book of my choosing.

I believe I should be pardoning myself for posting at such a late hour on this thirteenth day of July, but I have wasted too much time to have a real excuse. Tomorrow I will get up at a decent time (8:00am at the latest) and get to catching up on my ACT studies and a bit of practice on my instrument. I must not become a hypocrite by encouraging my fellow band members to practice, yet not doing the same myself. Soon I hope to have a cycle obtained that I may live by religiously without having to think about what I should be doing. So I shall make that my goal for tomorrow: Get up early, catch up on ACT over coffee, then practice until I have my music (what I currently have) memorized proficiently. Then, and only then shall I continue where I left off in the creation of my world.

Now to the topic of interest: Aridrian, the world of life. Over the course of today, I committed time to constructing the map in which The Woven Toll of Reveries takes place. This bears particular emphasis upon the vast forest of Vindre Stiph. As I started drawing the trees to represent the forest itself I began thinking, "what if I were to name each and every tree? Would that bear any significance whatsoever?" I made a decision instead to label different sections of the forest based on what life dwells there and the type and activity among the trees within its bounds. This, of course, is making the map take a little more time and thought process to create.

Then there is the western bounds of Mithrevia Liel, which is separated from the forest by a wall scarcely opened. A wall that was designed by mortal humans Mithrevia to draw a "barrier in time" or Cardibar ele Tith. It forms a boundary between the modern world that we know in this current age and the ancient world of valiant races, primitive combat, and the dormant energies within life known as Magek .

Sadly, this is all I have to reveal for today, but I promise (deeply hope) to have more material tomorrow. Till the coming of another day, we shall wait and see.

A New World?

I am suddenly entranced by a new surge of ideas that are beginning to take control of my mind, letting me created something new, something beautiful. For once, the first time since I wrote my novel. I feel like creating again. Why? Because the creation is beckoning me to. I've come to a sort of decision. This decision is to pursue my next NaNoWriMo endeavor as an extension of my last. Only to remain something completely new. I am creating a whole new world.

I've decided that, as part of my planning, I will draw out concept maps and diagrams of all places, characters, creatures, races, etc. as well as create the languages that have and will appear in my "saga." I had a very vague idea of what my world looked looked like when I wrote the first piece about it last year, but now it's going on paper so I have a visual representation of what it actually looks like.



Here's a rough map I drew up that illustrates Nutrii Leil (The Land of Fruitfullness) which is the central crossing location in the primary continent of the world of Aridrian. This is also complemented by the Eremithra (Immortal) to the North and arrows pointing to farther lands beyond (Poiss and Crystne Blish). The central emphasized portion in this part of the world is the Magek Realm (Fields of Magic) which is a sort of cleansed region from the crossing of Akaii (Sea) by the Eremithra inhabitants. It also shows an arrow pointing West to Mithrevia Liel (Land of Mortal Humans), which is part of where my last Novel ended (it was based primarily in Vindre Truth- Forest of Truth). And then there's the East, a place where all that is hidden lingers. That is the place I must search throughout my own journey in the creation of this saga. Finally, there is the South. Dizra (Dark) is what lies there. It is where the wretched workings of the Faithless are constantly being stirred. Just south of that lies Nieniel Ihara (Endless Sky) which remains lost from the tale.

There is still much work to be done on my part. I've begun creating the language of Aridrian, but that still has much left to be done. I think I'm going to start on those other maps tonight so I'll have at least one more finished by tomorrow's post.



Not really sure where this is going to fall into place yet (possibly in Vindrelias), but I do know that it's some sort of large woodland dwelling place. If you look closely, it is all structured around an ancient Tryth (Tree). To give an idea of the scale this structure has, look for the little man on top waving.

I believe this is all I must say for today. There is still much creating to be done and I can only hope I'm able to sleep long enough to sustain. BUT FIRST! I must finish the Sillmarillion tonight!!! Nine long grueling pages to go!

A New World?

"The weather has begun to clear up nicely," I thought to myself as I sat in the kitchen drinking my coffee and talking to people I know via the computer screen. "I think it's about time to get myself cleaned up and continue reading that book," I thought as I yawned and realized it was already almost two o'clock. I really waste too much time just sitting around thinking about what I'm going to do. How about I get a few things done today. That will be really nice. I really do not like feeling stressed out right before school starts. It just starts the year off wrong. I will not have a repeat of last year. This year will be different...this will be a good year. A happy one. One that I can remember. The last one.

I must not let my mind wander off too far current priorities. It's still good for me to play my guitar and bash on the drums whenever I feel like it, but I cannot let my laziness and short attention span get out of control. Time moves too quick to waste it not doing anything worth while.

Bleep bleep. "What's this?" I thought casually to myself as the computer showed a new message had been sent to my inbox. "Hey it's an old friend," my stomach lurched slightly with a fluttering sense. "It makes me glad to know that my friends are doing well, even when we do have trouble keeping in touch." There are just too many memories attached to these people. I can never just forget them. I mustn't. That would kill me. I need happy memories to keep me going. To get me through each day of this life. They keep me grounded and glad just to be alive. That's all I'll ever need.

I really want to keep learning those meaningful songs on the guitar. No one else may know them, but at least I can learn them and remember them for my own reasons. We need to get Aramis (needs a new name: Immersia?) together and have a nice jam session before the summer ends. School is just way to close to be real. The only thing about that which will likely continue to bother me is that it will be over in an instant and all that I have known for these long past years will drastically change.
Then I must anchor myself to something or risk being taken away by the life's current. All I'll need is my music, my pen, and my memories to keep this one moment I live in alive till I reach my next crossroads six to eight years from now (I would really like to get my masters, doctorate would be even better!). We'll see what happens down the road.

I take one last look at the sky. Time to get to work. I'll be returning to this some time soon. When I feel more accomplished about today.

Undecided

I suppose I should let this be the first. The first of many paths in which I'm about to take. A whirlwind that will sweep across me and send me flying randomly into a world unseen. It is a bitter excitement that I have for this. To await something with the highest hopes blindly. That door just down the hallway. It's light peering out, stretching itself over my face. Whispering in my ear and beckoning me forward. The longing for this has always been present, but now, lacking its comfortable distance, it frightens.

I do not know what awaits me beyond this doorway. All I know is that whether it be pleasure or anguish I will face it without fear or regret and embrace each moment as it comes to me with a smile. This life will be a happy one. And I will never let anyone or anything change that. There is too much good in this world and life is much too short to be taken by sadness. The light is always there. Just to find where it is will be my quest.

My swords, the tongue, the pencil, the pen, the keyboard, shall all lie there at my aid. There to never diminish as my hope for a brighter tomorrow and a world worth dwelling in. This is no fantasy, this is life as I see it and wish it to be. So it shall be as far as I am concerned. The plans layed out before me, in the image of a blurred entity where hope follows its stead.

Whisper in my ear oh sweet undiminished tomorrow. I dream of you every night and I am never dissapointed. To see others who fall short of this is the only pain I might recieve in this world. And I've thus named it my wish to see all those around me embrace their lives as they are. No restraints. No remorse. No sadness for the lost. Only what we know here and now! Only that which we remember and treasure dearest.

The blue sky beckons to me. It calls me home. That home which is right here. Lying on the grass below, enthralled by it's endless spectrum of light and glory. Where else would I rather be? There with a friend. One who can appreciate this sky and see it as clearly as I do. With hopeful eyes and a dream of tomorrow. Bring me that sunrise, I'll embrace it as my own. My friend beside me. Let it take us away to the brighter!